


Hunger

by Julieseven



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-21
Updated: 2017-01-21
Packaged: 2018-09-19 01:36:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9411605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Julieseven/pseuds/Julieseven
Summary: Just a short piece of what might have been going on in Even's head during the party at Isak's house where they almost kissed.





	

By the time Sonja and I met in front of the house where Isak lived, my hands were so sweaty I was worried she would notice and ask me what was wrong. _What_   _IS wrong with you?_  I asked myself, taking a deep breath. I was seeing Isak every day at school, why was going to his apartment any different?  
I kissed my girlfriend hello and sighed with relief when she took my hand without a comment. But when we were halfway up the stairs, Sonja turned around to face me with a worried look. _Oh fuck, here we go,_ I thought, clearing my throat and trying to think of an excuse for my sweaty hands and flustered demeanour.

"So, what kind of party is this anyway?" Sonja asked, and I felt myself relax.  
"Uh, a Kosegruppa party", I told her, smiling gently and putting an arm around her. "Sort of a kick-off into revue season and an opportunity for everyone to get to know each other."

"Oh, okay", Sonja smiled and gave me a kiss. A minute later, we were inside the apartment. Right at the door, we were greeted by Vilde and Sana, and as if she hadn't just doubted that coming here had been a good idea mere moments ago, Sonja kissed their cheeks enthusiastically, apparently very happy to be here all of a sudden.

However, I didn’t really care. After greeting the two ladies, I scanned the room, looking for the only person I really wanted to see that evening. My heart stopped when I spotted Isak. He was sitting on the couch next to Emma, who was talking to him about something he was evidently not interested in. He looked uncomfortable, and I had barely been staring at him for a few seconds when he suddenly looked up at me. His expression went blank and he froze, not moving a muscle. Emma was still talking to him, but Isak was clearly not listening.

I kept staring, unable to take my eyes off him, while Emma took his hand and put it on her boob. _Way too desperate, bitch_ , I thought, feeling my cheeks flush with red hot anger. I tried listening to Vilde who was talking about how important it was to get to know one another in order for Kosegruppa to work properly blablabla … but her words were lost somewhere in space when Isak suddenly took a swig of his beer, turned to Emma and started kissing her.

A white hot ball of anger formed in the pit of my stomach and I let go of Sonja's hand, mumbling an excuse and walked over to the couch.  
Sitting down next to Emma, I said loudly: "Okay, you two are bonding a little too much over here!"

Emma and Isak broke apart, and Emma's face lit up with a broad smile. "Endre, hey!", she called and hugged me. Internally rolling my eyes at her for not even remembering my name, I hugged her back lightly, looking at Isak over her shoulder. He looked a little shocked, but also somewhat relieved.  
"I thought we were a team here", I added, and Emma giggled.  
"Oh right, Kosegruppa!" she said, but I didn't pay attention to her.  
"Cool apartment", I said to Isak, trying to get him to look at me. But he just stared at Emma's knees and murmured:  
"Takk", before Emma started gushing again.  
"It's really nice here! Very nice. I mean, it's a kollektiv, there are always cool people here. Such as Eskild." She pointed to a guy in a pink wig, dancing enthusiastically on the opposite side of the living room. "Have you met Eskild?" Emma asked me, and I looked over at him, shaking my head.

"I don't think I have, no."  
Emma laughed. "Oh, he's super sweet! I love gay people, they're hilarious."  
And finally, she'd given me an opportunity to shut her up.

I gave her an irritated look. "You don't think that's a bit of a superficial generalization?" I asked her with a sideway glance at Isak. I noticed he was suddenly listening. "Good", I thought to myself.  
Emma frowned at me. "How so? To say that I love gay people because they're hilarious?"  
I sat up a little straighter to be able to see Isak's reaction to my words and went on.  
"Yeah, it's like saying all muslims are terrorists."  
Emma looked at me and then at Isak with a dumbfounded expression. "What? That's totally not the same! To be hilarious is insanely positive, whereas being a terrorist is very negative."

I tried very hard not to roll my eyes at her for real this time. "It's not about what you say, it's about the fact that you're generalizing. Not all gays are funny …"  
But Emma wasn't listening. "This is boring", she said and got to her feet. "Isak. Come dance with me."

Isak looked at her, seemingly in shock, but after short hesitation, he got up and followed her to the center of the room.  
The hot ball of anger in my stomach flared up painfully, and I looked around to check where Sonja was. I needed a distraction. Finally, I found her, looking at me from across the room, holding a beer and waving a second one in my direction. _Perfect_ , I thought and charged towards her, taking the beer from her and pressing my lips to hers at the same time.  
Sonja gasped with surprise but didn’t protest. Her hand found my shoulder as I opened the beer behind her back. "There you are", she said and leaned into my arms, resting her hand on my waist.

"Yeah, I'm still here", I breathed, trying to sound sexy. Apparently, I was successful, because Sonja bit her lower lip with a hungry look in her eyes. I took a big gulp of my beer without letting go of her, and then I put the can down on the table behind Sonja, taking her hand in mine.  
"Let's dance", I told her and pulled her with me to the middle of the room.

We hardly danced of course. I held Sonja by the waist while we both swayed lightly to the music. Sonja was staring into my eyes, and I did my best to look back at her with the same loving expression she had on her face. But it was not exactly easy, knowing that Isak was "dancing" with Emma just a few feet away from me. To distract myself, I pulled Sonja close and kissed her, still slowly moving to the rhythm of the song.

But, I could feel Isak's eyes on me as if they were a couple of laser pointers, burning holes into my forehead. Still, I kept kissing Sonja, eyes closed and both hands on her hips. And finally, I couldn’t resist anymore. Not removing my lips from Sonja's and trying not to move my head, I opened my eyes and looked up. Isak's eyes were waiting for me, and I felt my heart jump when I saw him jerk his head back a little. Emma was kissing him, but Isak responded only hesitatingly.

However, my lips locked even tighter with Sonja's while I kept staring at Isak, hungrily and without blinking. With delight, I watched as Isak removed his lips from Emma's, staring at me with his mouth half-open. _This could be you,_ my eyes told him as I kept kissing Sonja, who seemed really into it. It had been a while since I'd really kissed her: Somehow, having met Isak had reduced my interest in Sonja to a minimum. In the back of my head, a little voice told me off for being such an asshole, but I just couldn't help myself.

After a while, Isak kissed Emma back again, closing his eyes, and it took me all my willpower to tear mine off him. I kept making out with Sonja, trying desperately to enjoy it and to forget about Isak and Emma. But then,Sonja pulled back a little and smiled at me. "Hey, I sort of missed that", she purred and kissed me again.  
I forced a smile and gently kissed her nose. "Mhm", I murmured and pulled her into a hug. It was just an excuse, to not have to talk to her and to see if Isak was still kissing Emma. The hot ball of anger in my stomach was starting to grow again now that I wasn't being distracted anymore. But it dissolved quickly when I noticed Isak standing alone in the same corner as before, sipping awkwardly on his beer.

"I'm going to get another drink. Do you want something?" I told Sonja and gently disengaged myself from her. The disapproving look on her face was answer enough, but I didn't wait for her to have a go at me. "Forget I asked", I added and quickly disappeared into the crowd and moved towards the kitchen.

Isak's eyes were following me, and I slowed my pace, giving him time to decide he should come after me. However, I didn't look. _Play it cool_ , I told myself as I strolled into the -luckily empty - kitchen, looking around for a beer. I found some full cans on the counter, grabbed one and opened it. Leaning back at the counter, I waited with baited breath.

Seemingly hours later, Isak finally appeared in the doorway. He grinned half-heartedly when he saw me and bumped into the doorway while trying to lean against it. I bit back an amused grin and smiled at him. For a few seconds, neither of us moved, we just stared at each other, and the tension between us was almost tangible. I realized that I couldn't even hear the party noise from the living room anymore. All I saw was Isak and all I heard was his slightly shaky breathing and my own heartbeat.

I tried to think of something to say, but I couldn't form a single word. So I just stuck to staring at Isak, hoping he would be the first to break the silence.

But then, Isak suddenly relaxed a little and flashed that little crooked, cocky smile at me that never failed to light my crotch on fire. And unlike countless other times, I couldn't restrain myself anymore.

"Fuck it", I breathed and charged towards him. Isak didn't have time to react. My hands found his waist, and without hesitation, I put my lips on his. Isak's breath caught, but he didn't move away. I leaned my forehead against his, searching his eyes for a reaction. He looked shocked, but at the same time, I could almost hear his heartbeat speed up.

And then, Isak grabbed my wrist and pulled me with him out of the kitchen and into the room next to it, slamming the door behind us. It was dark in there, and Isak didn't bother turning on the light. The second the door was closed, he pushed me against the wall and locked my head between his palms. This time, it was me who froze, not daring to believe this was actually happening. I heard Isak drawing shuddering breaths as he slowly leaned closer, his hands now pressed against the wall on either side of my head. Biting my lower lip, I tried very hard not to move a muscle, too afraid of spooking Isak. And finally, he slowly and hesitatingly put his lips to mine.

I stood very still for a second, but then, Isak made a small, content sound and I couldn't hold back anymore. My hands found his hips and I pulled him into me, crushing our mouths together. We sighed simultaneously and Isak wrapped one arm around my waist while his other hand dug into my hair. I locked him in my embrace by grabbing my own wrist in his back and parted his lips with my tongue. Isak gasped into my mouth and I felt his hand tighten on my shirt. Our tongues slid together as I pushed myself off the wall to wrap my arms even tighter around Isak. It was then that my lower arm bumped into something behind him, startling both of us. Still kissing him, I reached out, realizing it was some sort of a chest of drawers, about as high as Isak's waist. Reluctantly, I broke away from him for a second and murmured:

"Up you go."

Isak gave a nervous chuckle, but he understood me. He pushed himself up with both hands and I helped by lifting him up by the waist. I locked my arms around him again, while Isak wrapped his legs around my waist and his hands dug into my hair.  
This time, Isak's mouth found my neck first, sending shivers through my entire body. With his arms and legs draped around me, Isak was suddenly everywhere. I claimed his lips with mine, drinking him in with all my senses. My hands slid up along his back to pull him closer by his shoulder blades as Isak melted into me, one hand still in my hair while his other arm slid around my shoulders. Our mouths opened simultaneously, and this time it was me who gasped when I felt Isak's legs lock tightly around my waist, pulling me even closer to him. Our chest were pressed together now and I could feel his abs on my stomach, which almost made me faint.  
My mind was a frenzy and I didn’t know what to think, but then again, thinking wasn't important. As thoughts of Sonja and all the reasons I shouldn't be doing this tried to push their way into my head, I ignored them and locked Isak even tighter in my arms until it became hard to breathe.

One of my hands knotted into Isak's hair as I roped my other arm around his waist as if to never let him go while I kissed him again, open-mouthed and hungry. Isak kissed me back just as messily, his hands sliding onto my back, making my spine tingle. Finally, we stopped kissing and leaned our foreheads together, breathing heavily.

I couldn't see Isak's face, but I imagined it to be all red and flustered, and the thought made me smile. Isak's hand found mine, and I entangled our fingers, brushing my nose against his and taking in his scent. His breath caught a little, and then I felt his free hand in my hair again. "Even", he murmured quietly, his voice shaking. Hearing him say my name like that made my head spin, and I had to hold on to Isak to avoid keeling over.  
"Isak", I murmured back and cradled his face with one hand. I felt him lean into my touch as a small sigh escaped him, and I couldn't resist kissing him again. And then, suddenly Isak spoke with a voice that wasn't his.

"Who the fuck is Isak?"

I frowned, shook my head and then opened my eyes. And that's when I realized I wasn't in a dark room with Isak, but still in the living room, with an empty beer can in my hand and a rather angry Sonja standing in front of me.

"Uh, no one, just … never mind", I told Sonja, putting an arm around her shoulder. She shook it off, but took both my hands in hers.  
"How much have you had to drink?", she asked and it took me a good amount of restraint not to roll my eyes at her.  
"One beer, you watched me drink it, remember? Actually – " I held up a finger, grinning broadly at her. "I didn't even finish that one."

Sonja frowned at me. "Yeah, and you still went to get another one?", she reminded me and I bit my lip, trying to come up with an excuse. But luckily, Sonja gave up before I could say anything. "Never mind, you should find your jacket. Someone called for four cabs, we're leaving for the party."

She gave me a patronizing look, and I was very glad to have an excuse NOT to have to go with her. " I have my bike here, I'll come later", I told her and gave her a quick kiss. "I'll help clean up a little first."

My girlfriend gave me a suspicious look, but then shrugged and sighed. "Suit yourself", she said and I pulled her in for another kiss to soothe her. Sonja smiled half-heartedly and leaned her forehead against mine. "Just don’t take too long okay?"  
"I'll be there soon", I promised and kissed her again, before letting go of her and turning around to find Isak.

Whatever that little hallucination meant, I had to find out how much of it could be real.

I didn't see Isak anywhere in the living room, which was almost empty by now. A few people were still stumbling around looking for their jackets, but Isak wasn't one of them. I wandered through the hall and peered into the kitchen, where I saw Isak emptying beer cans into the sink. Squaring my shoulders, I took a deep breath and walked in, smiling casually at him.

Isak frowned when he saw me. "Aren't you taking a cab with the others?"  
I walked over to the counter and reached for a beer can and shook it over the sink. It was already empty. "I have a bike", I told Isak matter-of-factly, and he gave me a weird look, not saying anything. I kept emptying more beer cans into the sink and tried to strike up a conversation with him.  
"Fun times with .. Emma?", I asked, smiling cheekily at him.  
Isak chuckled uneasily and looked away from me. "She's keen", he said and I felt my heart jump in my chest. _She's keen, but you're not_ , I thought to myself, hoping I was right. I put down the beer can I'd just emptied and leaned at the counter, looking straight into Isak's eyes.

"You know, Sonja and I have been dating since we were both fifteen or something", I told him, and the hurt look on Isak's face made me want to punch myself. _What are you doing, idiot?_    
Isak went back to the beer cans next to the sink and said "Okay" without looking at me.  
"I notice that we're drifting further and further apart", I went on, and Isak turned to look at me again, a tiny spark of hope in his face. I felt myself becoming a little desperate now. How was I going to turn this around? Knowing that I had to somehow let Isak know that I wasn't … like other people, I decided to make up a story that would maybe somehow make him realize …  
"… but I can't dump Sonja", I said, looking at Isak's face.

His expression was unreadable when he replied with another half-hearted "Okay."

 _Go for it_ , I told myself and went on. "… because if I dump Sonja, she'll think I did it because of her aluminium leg."  
Now I had Isak's full attention. He turned to me with an intrigued frown. "Hm?"  
I frowned back at him. "You didn't know?" _How would he know, you dumbass? It's not even fucking true._    
"An aluminium leg?" Isak asked, still frowning.  
"Yeah, she had to have her entire foot amputated", I went on, looking down at my feet and then back at Isak when he leaned a little closer.  
"What?" he asked, sounding genuinely shocked. "How .. how did that happen?"  
"She stepped on a landmine in Tjøme when she was nine years old", I told him. "It blew off her entire left foot." I tried to keep a straight face while internally yelling at myself. _How the fuck is he supposed to know what you really mean?_

Isak shifted uneasily, his expression still so genuinely shaken that I almost felt sorry for him. "Shit …" he uttered.  
"Yeah, it was pretty bad", I agreed with him, and Isak added:  
"Yeah, I didn't know that", and looked away from me again, obviously not sure what to say next.  
When he turned back to me, I looked straight into his eyes again and chose every word carefully, as if to will him to understand what I was really talking about.  
"But she's doing better", I began, and then Isak stepped a little closer to me, causing me to lose my cool. I could smell his perfume now, and I was suddenly lost for words. "She's gotten a lot of help from .. uh … like .. what's it called? .. like .. physical therapists, developing her.. motor skills." Isak's expression had gone from shocked to incredulous to suspicious in less than five seconds. _Shit, he knows_ I thought, but I was too far into this to stop.  
"…and you know, the aluminium technology has come a long way. By now you can barely tell that she's limping." With that last sentence, I tried to hold Isak's gaze, trying to make him realize what I was actually trying to say. He stared into my eyes for a few seconds, but then a smile curled his lips.

"You're joking?" he asked tentatively.  
 _Fuck_. I had no choice but to laugh.  
"You ARE joking?" Isak repeated and I just nodded, still laughing.  
"Yeah? Fucking shit!", Isak said, with an embarrassed smile on his face. "How can you joke about something like that?"  
"Do you really think there's landmines in Tjøme?" I retorted, but Isak just shrugged.  
"I don't fucking know." He threw up his hands in the air. "Who jokes about .. I mean, you can't joke about things like that!"

I raised my eye-brows at him. "Well, I could have joked about something much worse."  
Isak shook his head. "No, you couldn't have, cause that's a really serious thing to joke about!", he protested.  
"I could have joked about her having a dick", I suggested, making Isak sigh and roll his eyes at me. "That would have been too far", I added, and Isak's expression softened a bit. The gentle look in his eyes sped up my heartbeat and I suddenly wanted to pinch myself to make sure I wasn't fantasizing again.  
"Dick", Isak repeated, looking down at his hand with which he was leaning at the counter, and then back at me.  
"Too far", I added and smiled at him awkwardly.

Isak cleared his throat. "I don't think aluminium technology is ..", he began and I interrupted him.  
"Oh, so that's what gave me away?", I asked and edged a little closer while Isak was still staring at his hand. He nodded slightly, not looking up.  
"But … she's sweet", he suddenly said quietly and my heart ached for him. I could tell it hurt him to say that. I tried to hold his gaze when he finally did look up, but he hung his head again, apparently struggling to keep a straight face.

"Sonja", Isak said my girlfriend's name as if he were trying to get rid of a demon haunting him, and I had never hated myself more. _Why did you have to bring her here?_ I asked myself, but then I couldn't think anymore. As if there was an invisible thread connecting my head and Isak's and pulling me in, I leaned closer and closer, until my lips were hovering inches away from his. And just when I decided to go for it and finally kiss him, there was a loud thud in the hallway.

We jumped apart, staring at each other for a few seconds, before we both ran out of the kitchen.


End file.
